Why'd I want to be a grown-up so bad?

I like having one or two different things going on at any given time. Not different from each other, different from the usual. Like a craft project, a purchase to research - large (house, car, etc) or small (Christmas present, books, etc.), a trip to plan...just something to keep my life from getting too monotonous. I like having something to put some thought & energy into. One of the things I enjoyed about during my pregnancies is all the fun things that do that for me. It's even okay if it's a problem to solve, it's just nice to have something to keep me from noticing the monotony of my days.

However, if I get too many of those things, I freeze up and can't function. This evening I'm feeling like I'm in that place. Maybe expressing it here will help...

My boys are back to being super naughty at bedtime. It seems to happen for a couple weeks every couple months. I don't know why, or I'd change whatever the catalist is! Just about a week ago I think, they started staying up late being wild. They usually don't have a problem going to sleep in the same room at the same time, but lately it's been being hard. So I'm finding that if I let David stay up later (he's older, so I think it makes sense to always let him stay up later rather than fight over whose turn it is) until Ryan falls asleep, it goes better. The only problem is, that's getting really late. We had the missionaries over for FHE this evening (they're supposed to practice teaching lessons to members when they don't have other people scheduled I guess), and they didn't leave until shortly after 8. So, after all was said & done, David didn't go to bed until 9:45. Not cool.

David recently changed ADHD meds (maybe part of the bedtime problem?), opting for a $5 a month generic instead of a $116 a month (our insurance just got cheaper & crappier) name brand. I think that while they're working, they work great. But his old meds were extended release, and one little pill at 8 am would work wonders all day long. These new ones work for 4-6 hours, so he gets one around 8, one around 12:30. So he's great in the morning, and hopefully great at school. Then in the evening he gets wild & crazy. And I have mixed feelings about how to handle that. The meds pamphlet said it was typically taken 2-3 times a day. So maybe we can add another dose at 4:00ish. But shouldn't he need to learn how to control himself? Are we just taking the easy way out and medicating away his need to learn? Or is he actually physically incapable, and he needs the meds the same way someone with high cholesterol needs meds. I make that comparison rather than strep throat or an ear infection, because it's also something that is somewhat controlable, but to different degrees with everyone. I don't know what to do. I just placed holds on 7 different books in the King County Library System, hopefully one of them will have the magic cure. I really want to do what's best for my entire family. When David's meds run out, he is really obnoxious to be around, constantly making random loud noises & jumping around. So I need to balance our need for him to be more calm & controlled with his need to learn to control himself.

Not only is David being wild and needing some sort of intervention (more meds, different meds, or maybe some sort of exercise & diet modification), both boys have been more naughty than usual lately. Or maybe I'm just noticing it more with my frayed nerves from David's extra wildness & my lack of evening relaxing time. I know there are different thing they're doing lately that are so naughty. They keep just making rude noises (hard to explain...like loud whining) when asked to do something or stop doing something they are doing. They're really struggling with being respectful. I think it's time for me to be quicker and harsher in punishing them. David actually bit Ryan at dinner time tonight! I don't think I did anything beyond lecture him - I need to find a good way to make them want to not break the rules. They been losing DS/Nintendo 64/Wii time lately when they abuse those privileges, maybe I need to take it away for other things as well. But then they'd never get those things...

Oh, and Molly is pretty naughty, too. Once she's done healing from her surgery, I really ought to spend more time training her. That's something I'd spend time focusing on, learning how to and that kind of stuff...if I didn't have so much else in my head.

We've finally made a plan for moving out. Our 6 month contract with our agent ended yesterday! So the current plan is to list with my friend Gayelinn's agent for about a month, then put it on KSL to find renters instead. We'll head down over President's day weekend to load up a truck and empty everything out. Hopefully we can meet with prospective tenants while there and get a lease signed! Then we'll rent an apartment near Dan's work while we save up money for a new down payment and/or wait to sell the house when prices pick back up. And it'll be good to get to know the area before committing to a house, anyways. I hope to be back in a house by summer of 2010.

Oh, and we need to figure out how exactly to transport all our stuff the 800 miles from Utah to Oregon/Washington. We're considering doing ABF, that will drop off the back of the truck for a few days, we load, then they drive it for us. That sure sounds nice to not have to deal with driving a giant truck that whole way! But...it's about a thousand dollars more than doing U-Haul. A THOUSAND dollars. If we're hopeing to save money for a new house, losing that thousand dollars isn't a good way to start. But is it safe for my husband to drive a giant truck? What if there's weather issues? I guess we could wait longer to avoid the possibility of snow, but I miss living with my husband! I don't know whether to try and convince him to tough it out for the sake of our wallets, or to just sign up for the truckers to haul it for us to save A LOT of stress!

I really can't wait to be settled in a new place (even if it's just an apartment), with my computer and my craft stuff and all the rest of our clothes, and my own space. But, then I have to go back to running the household. Right now, I try to help. I try to keep the kids' mess in the back room and not spread all over the entire house. Of course, I still do our family's laundry. I try to pick up the clutter in the living room to make it look nice. I even volunteer to cook occasionally. But I generally don't do the chores I don't want to. I rarely do dishes. I haven't cleaned a toilet since coming (although I do sometimes remember to use a clorox wipe around the rim...boys are gross...). And I don't go grocery shopping very often, and never with the kids. If I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, how am I going to feel when I get to do everything again?

Perspective, perspective, I probably just need some perspective. None of this is all that big of a deal. I'm just feeling overwhelmed at the moment. I'm a little jealous of my 14 year old sister who gets to spend so much time doing fun things (she's on a ballroom dance team!), not worrying about ADHD meds & moving costs. I remember being her age & wanting to grow up SO badly. I take it back! All the privileges of being a grown up sure come with a lot of responsibility. And it doesn't always feel worth it. :P